책 소개
이제는 말할 수 있다. 하루는 24시간이요 1달은 30일이고 1년은 12개월, 즉 365일이다. 그런데 음력을 중시하던 옛 풍습에 따르면 올해는 1년이 13개월이다. 즉 2월 윤달(공달)이 있다. 그 덕분에 난 생일을 두 번 맞이했고, 온갖 공갈 협박을 통해 이중으로 축하를 받았다. 물론 무심하고 소소한 선물 도 반 강제로 받은 기억도 난다. 아무튼 그런 세월을 길게 늘여 빼면서까지 배회요 방랑을 하고 있는 듯한 내 영혼은, 아직도 딱 맞는 육신을 갖추지 못하고 오리무중이다. 그렇다고 ‘구속이나 억압을 받는 것도 아니다.’라고 강력하게 토로하지 못하는 것 또한 사실이다. 하지만 노을이 길게 그림자를 휘두르고 지평선 너머로 하직인사를 올 릴 때에는, 누구에게든 아무 말도 할 수가 없었다. 새옹지마라고 했던 가? 부질없는 삶의 언저리에서 무척이나 지치도록 헤매던 날들이 지금 은 부끄러움으로 하나 둘 들통이 나고 있다. 그런 와중에도 오직 진실과 열정으로 살고자 나름대로의 몸부림과 진 통을 겪으면서도, 남 몰래 울어야했던 기억을 낱낱이 고백하듯 토해낸 다. 다만, 용서나 나눔, 배려나 봉사는 찾을 수 없고, 오직 열정 그 하나 만으로 목을 매달 듯 동분서주했던 날들이, 지금은 부끄러움이요 미안 함으로 안개처럼 피어난다. 죽으면 썩을 것이요 썩으면 한 줌 부토를 거쳐 흔적도 없이 바람을 따라 사라질 육신의 찌꺼기들이, 그토록 내 영혼을 힘들게 한다. 차라리 사랑이라면 돌아서서 울고 말았을 텐데, 미치지 못함만도 못하게 지나 쳐버린 세월을 탓할 수는 없을 것이다. 그리고 이제는 조용히 합장하듯, 무릎을 조아리고 기도하는 마음으로 고백한다. 사랑한다고 제대로 한 번 말도 못한 채, 오직 묵묵히 무언으 로 대변하고 싶은 간절함은, 용서를 구하는 일만이 남았다는 최후의 몸 부림이리라. 사랑하고 싶다. 그림자보다 더 진하게 내 몸을 감싸 안고 남은 생을 보호해주는, 당신의 운명이요 책무라고 여기며 사랑해주는 당신을 미치 도록 사랑하고 싶다. 바다 가운데 나지막이 솟아 있는, 수평선 너머의 보이지 않는 작은 섬. 그러나 누군가에게는 안식이요 희망일 것처럼, 나 역시 당신의 안식 이 되고 작으나마 용기가 되고 싶다는 간절한 희망이 솟는다. 아아, 눈이 아프도록 사랑하고 싶다. 비록 못 다하고, 이별을 말할 수밖에 없는 간이역도 아니고 종착역이 아닌 곳에서 도중하차를 할지라도, 지금은 미치도록 사랑하고 싶다. 하나뿐인 당신을......
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♥ 작가의 말 ･ 3 1부 내 인생은 나의 것 ··································································· 13 극기 ························································································ 17 소도 언덕이 있어야 ·································································· 21 과유불급 ··················································································· 25 사랑하고 남은 사랑 ································································ 29 운명 ························································································ 32 송구영신 ··················································································· 36 월화수목토토토 ········································································ 40 겸손 ·························································································· 45 늙을래? 익을래? ······································································ 49 단상 ·························································································· 53 도전하는 아들에게 ··································································· 57 떠나보내는 마음 ······································································ 61 무너지듯 쌓이는 세월 ······························································ 65 바보 인생 ················································································· 68 밸런타인데이 ············································································ 72 2부 소박한 기도 ············································································· 83 삼우제 ······················································································ 86 시월의 마지막 밤 ····································································· 89 천륜 ·························································································· 93 일일여삼추 ················································································ 97 종착역에서 ·············································································· 101 하루를 살더라도 ···································································· 105 나의 스승 ··············································································· 110 첫경험 ····················································································· 115 쌍곡선 1 ················································································· 119 가보지 않은 길 ······································································ 123 갈 수 없는 세상 ···································································· 128 호사다마 ················································································· 132 불치유 ····················································································· 136 역지사지 ················································································· 140 3부 당신의 서열은 ········································································· 145 행복을 캐는 날 ······································································ 149 어둠의 자식 ············································································ 153 사라지는 흔적 ········································································ 157 비 ···························································································· 161 돌파구 ···················································································· 165 유아독존 ················································································· 169 답게 살고 싶다 ······································································ 173 고백 ························································································ 177 길 ···························································································· 183 복권을 샀어요 ········································································ 188 싫은 설날 ··············································································· 192 친구 찾아 구만리 ··································································· 196 친구야, 답해줘! ·······························…
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